Puberty and the Gospel
Ben Pah
In 6th grade, Mr. Grundy brought all the boys in one classroom, rolled out the TV/VHS cart, and showed us a video about bodies and babies. It's a weird moment when you've been filled in on a worldwide secret. I knew things were going to be different from then and I started to wonder. How did I not know till now? Then what were the girls watching? So that explains all these changes I'm feeling. And that's why my older sister uses code words around me.
Weirdly enough, this is how I felt when Jesus finally revealed the Gospel to me after 24 years of pedestrian church life. Everything started making sense afterwards. All my failures trying to be a good Christian, all my concerns about the future... I was living without the power of the Gospel. Young kids don’t understand how they were created or the bodies they live in. As a young Christian, I didn’t understand how I was saved or the power that I had access to.
How did I go on so many mission trips and retreats and never get it? I had heard it everywhere, even taught it to others. I knew God made me and that Jesus died for me. But it turns out that the Gospel is a gift you receive and not a lesson you master. I got my first taste one night during India missions under the covers of my bed. A conversation between me and Jesus. He said…
You're a sinner.
I know...
I love you.
I know...
But you're a sinner, no matter how good you are.
Oh...
And I love you, no matter how bad you are.
Oh...
You can't lose your salvation. My love is bigger than your sins.
When Christ's love hits you, that's it. You don't know what's going on. It blitzes from every angle and disarms you of every layer. It hurts to see your sin but His embrace is warm and all is right in His hands. He's healing you in places that you didn't know were broken. You have no idea what to do so you beg Him to take control. You don’t know how you got here--in the thick of God’s bosom--but you decide you never want to leave. I went to sleep that night exposed to my lack of faith, liberated by His love, and terrified I would forget it all.
Throughout the rest of the trip, God started showing me things. He showed me the Cross. And the Blood. And the Resurrection. I didn’t fully understand them but with each one He affirmed to me, “I love you. I love you.” I realized it’s the same love He has for the orphans of Tenali and the nation of India. The same love He has for my coworkers and students. I still had questions but I returned to New Jersey with the knowledge that the Gospel was the answer to all of them. I was filled but hungry for the lifelong challenge of receiving more of the Gospel.