Fusion Words

(As students enter my room)
O: Hey Mista.
Me: Morning, Otistia.
O: You still rockin them Smedium pants...

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(In the car)
Me: So you guys are friends?
Erin: Well, we're kind of frenemies...

Correlation

I have a lot to learn about teaching, but in some respects I will never be better than I am right now.

Eric

"Slowhand Clapton soloed with a daggerlike tone and pinpoint attention to melody."
-RollingStone

"His 'woman tone' is an overdriven sound that is articulate yet thick."
–Gibson

"I think it's important to say something powerful and keep it economical."
-Clapton

Eventually, I’d like to write the way Clapton plays.

Weekend Formula: Pick 2

This weekend I will ____ and ____.

A. Rest
B. Work
C. Play

On Alcohol

Erin: Oppa, I don't really get drinking.
Ben: Yea, it's silly. Adults do it together to have fun.
Erin: So like a playdate.

Interim

There's a certain relief I feel since I’ve given up trying to capture the teaching experience in a blog. Or a conversation for that matter. I mean I appreciate the gesture but really ... how do I respond to, "So how's teaching going?" It’s so much bigger than I am, that right now I'm just scrambling for any kind of footing.

It seems every morning, I still wake up giddy in the honeymoon period of my job. I pull out of the driveway thinking I’ve figured out this teaching thing but second guess myself the whole drive home. Some days at the end of class, my kids throw me nods and fist-pounds on their way out. Other days, they step over my dignity and out the door, as I exhale in defeat. But no matter what, I go to sleep every night full and used. It’s the release that comes only when you're doing exactly what you were born to do. When you're living at your workplace, without wanting to be anywhere else. Spending yourself completely and feeling that it's all worth it. I can deal with the days I suck as a teacher because I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

It’s kind of like a first love all over again. When you have no experience, you're just happy to be there. It’s not better or worse than anything. It just is. Being in survival mode is simply about finishing. And when I do, THEN I’ll tell you how teaching is. In the meantime, this poem(0:58) says more about the first time than I’m able to say right now.

|x|

A funny thing happened at the library, as I’m helping my 10 year old sister pick out her weekly book. She looks up from the stack of Juvenile Fiction novels I picked out and says in frustration, “Oppa, I just want to read a book with a good ending. I don’t care if it’s funny, happy, or sad, I just want it to be good.” And with that that, she confirmed my long-held suspicion that she, too, has my germ. A disorder I can only classify as "emotional appetite". My mom calls it passion. My friends call it annoying. We all have it to a certain degree. It’s what keeps us up at night and out on weekends.

Like this. My mom and I recently waged the 2nd Korean War. It was our first shouting match in what seems like years, so it drew out all kinds of deeply-rooted baggage. But in hindsight, I didn’t hate it. To be perfectly honest, I kind of enjoyed it. The tears, gestures, and shouting. Throughout the work week, it’s just nice to feel alive.

Cause my sister and I are sort of addicted to stimulation. And we'll take it at any cost. Watch this video(1:52)of Kanye and you’ll know what I’m talking about. He doesn't mind the pain. Maybe, he even prefers it. And he doesn't mind disasters. Just look at his life. At the end of the day, I want to be a high-risk/high-reward guy. Hit or miss. Whether my students like me or not, I just want to get a rise out of them. get their minds churning.

For now, I'm just focusing on the Absolute Value. Remember in Algebra, where if two lines flank an integer you ignore the sign and the answer becomes its distance from zero? For better or worse, I'm just trying to go big. These days, Erin follows me to the Adult Section of the library, looking for Absolute Value.

Downplay

Lately, I get off on the blogs I don't write. Kinda like a secret between me and God. Besides, I wouldn't know where to start anyway.

Goals.

So I’m at a bar during the closing minute of the US World Cup elimination game and some drunk white dude yells, “LET'S GO! You have 1 minute left for the next four years!” And he’s damn right. More than the actual sport it’s the timing that mounts pressure for these things. Over time, we develop a relationship with the World Cup and each one begins to mean more. I see this when I watch Korea matches with my Dad. It's like they’re old friends. So he watches. Silently. For him, it’s not so much the games but all the years in between.

Just think of how much happens in 4 years. But also how fast they can fly by. High school was 4 years long. College was 4 years short. Pluto was 4 years ago. A NY Superbowl is 4 years ahead. 4 years will forever be the age gap between me and my older sister. At the last World Cup, I was 18. In the next one, I’ll be 26. Maybe these are the things my Dad thinks about. Measuring stretches of his life with a 4 year ruler. Thumbing through flashes of himself from each Cup, like bookmarks in the story of his life.

Exclusive Ben Ha Interview

I've always done this thing where I will interview myself or give a lecture to an imaginary class. I've been doing it a lot more since I'm back home to prepare for upcoming job interviews. I recently asked myself this question in the shower.

Ben: Why don't you ever wear sunglasses?
Me: Because I don't need any help looking like an asshole.