Thinking : Action

If you work out regularly, you know the therapy of a steady bench press. push. breathe. push. breathe. The cleansing sweat of a rhythmic jog. left. right. left. right. Sometimes, we need to channel our most carnal instincts just to feel human again.

More and more, I'm beginning to think that human beings were designed to work. move. toil. During my 11 day vacation, nothing was more dangerous than being idle. When our "thinking to action ratio" is too high, we become petty and dramatic. Delusional and complacent. I started thinking myself into ruts.

Personally, I really miss--and even need--the daily grind again. There's something sexy about 6 am. Refreshing about a full day's schedule. And nothing is more satisfying than loosening my tie at the end of the day.

Furthermore, repetition and exhaustion can really arouse the imagination. The best ideas have a way of falling into our lap when we're least looking for them. when we're buried at work. So many artists become out of touch over time, because they quit the day jobs that helped them write their best songs. They lose the tension of everyday experiences that once triggered their creative juices.

So Kanye, when you're done with your dark, twisted fantasy, I'll be at the gym waiting for the guy that wrote "Roses". Do you even remember why you rap anymore? Just think of that cheeky kid with the backpack. Hip Hop needs you and I miss you.

Werd

you'll see Him one day.
I just hope that I'm the one to show you.

Self-Assessment

Teacher: Ha
Subject: 11th English Language Arts
Term: 2010-2011

Classroom Management: B
Curriculum Building: B+
Faculty Rapport: A-
Student Relationships: A
Differentiation: C+
Representing Christ at work: F

Curves

I have this theory that the best Spanish teachers aren't actually Hispanic. In fact, they're anything but. They are non-native speakers, who actively learned it as a second language. They still remember what it's like to struggle: the hardest conjugation rules, the toughest vocab, and the most helpful mnemonics. It's hard to be a good teacher, if you've never been a bad student.

See, you have to think that the best personal trainers used to be overweight with slow metabolism. the guys that really earn their fitness, everyday. In my experience, the most gracious pastors were once the deepest sinners. The most broken youth grow up to be the best presidents.

It's like... your worst subject in middle school ends up being your major in college. As a kid, writing gave me so much anxiety, not just because I was bad but because I knew I could be better. The potential of our passions is frustrating but learning curves make the growing pains worth it.

Will Smith--one of the hardest working actors--said he still wakes up every morning with a poor man's mindset. That seems to be the secret. Remembering your lowest times as a point of reference. Writing your autobiography as you live it.

Irony

"In the ghettos, kids kill each other. In the suburbs, kids kill themselves."
-PJae

Gospel

Jesus loves me. This I know,
for the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
they are weak, but he is strong.

Oriental

Student: Mista, how come Asians are smarter?
Teacher: Not true.

Student: What's the secret?
Teacher: Have you ever seen Panda King close?
Student: No.

Teacher: How about the Asian laundromat?
Student: No.

Teacher: You ever see Mr. Ha absent?
Student: ...see you tomorrow.

Project Intervention

Because so many of our 11th graders are underperforming and at risk of failing out, BLS staff conducted a Mock Commencement to show how less than 15% of them are on pace to graduate. This is the speech I delivered before the student body to improve attendance and raise urgency.

Good afternoon Juniors. You know, I fell in love for the first time my junior year of high school. And you know how you can tell? There are two signs of true love, so ladies if you don’t see these things then it’s not the real deal. The first is that when I’m with her, nothing. else. matters. It doesn’t matter if my friends are playing ball, my mom is calling my phone, or if I’m really hungry… she has my full, undivided attention. The second is that before I go to sleep, the only question on my mind is, 'Am i going to see her tomorrow?' I needed to see her everyday. Period.

So with my life revolving around this one girl, you can kind of imagine what my grades were like. I sucked at school. I was in the bottom half of my class. I got caught for cheating. So I know what it’s like when teachers shake their heads at you saying, “You need to try harder.” When your mom is pleading, “Don’t you care about your future??”

And one day I just exploded, “YOU HAVE NO IDEA that I stay up till 2 am every night, wishing I could be better! Stressing about my future! I want to be so successful, Mom, so you never have to work another 13 hour day! I want to become a man that my girlfriend admires, not consoles. I want to stick it to every racist that ever called me chink. I want to be better... I just don't know where to start.”

That night I cried for 2 hours. You see, I wasn’t a bad kid. I had mature feelings. Strong commitment. It was just to the wrong things. Don’t you feel like you’re being misunderstood? That the person you want to become is not how you’re seen? That your transcript doesn’t reflect your true ability? No wonder you hate coming to school. You’re not bad kids and you don't deserve to feel this way. We can turn this around but it has to be now. And it has to be completely different. It’s time to treat school like we do our lovers. By needing to be here everyday. And giving your full, undivided attention.

Note to Self

Less acting, more action.

VIP

"My Grandparents always made me feel I was the most important person in the world. Most children will make it if they have just one person who makes them feel that way.” -William Jefferson Clinton

You know, Clinton was never a teacher but in his autobiography he carves out the core of Education. Recently, I've rediscovered the secret to teaching in its simplest form. Caring. Simply... caring. till it hurts. It’s sad because after 4 years of Education Theory classes, "Believing in Students" has almost become cliche... and even worse, underrated. It wasn't about till my second month of school that I even realized I wasn't really committing to my kids. Eventually, I had to stop trying so hard to become a good teacher because it was getting in the way of helping my students grow. There's a huge difference between, "How can I be better?" and, "What do they need?"

I started investing in my students personally. emotionally. financially. I would think about them constantly... during the weekends. I started seeing their faces everywhere. The first image as soon as I wake up. Last thought before I fall sleep. I was lesson planning in the shower. Reciting motivational speeches in the car. My day started and ended in room 205 of the 11th grade wing. And slowly, things began to change. When I lectured, she would listen. When I questioned, he would answer. They could see it in my eyes.

My students began to really respond to me when I started becoming personally destroyed by their failures. When I'm genuinely hurt that they cut my class. Extremely disappointed when they miss homework. My commitment laid the foundation for my discipline. My yelling and screaming that they refer to as "Super Saiyan". I've earned the right. But my heart had to break for theirs to move.

At the peak of my "Denzel" swagger, I sound like this:

"No. That's NOT good enough. Yes. You ARE smart. And NOT later. Right now. We're going to finish and we're not leaving this room until we do."

Then, he hangs his head and starts to scribble in his notebook. And in that moment, he is the most important person in the world.